Monday, 19 October 2015

Monday 19th October

Posted by tracy watkiss at 08:35 0 comments
I had a great time Saturday night, but wow!!!   I forgot that drinking on a Saturday night leads to eating on a Sunday morning, afternoon, evening, night. I think I ate an entire weeks food in one day.

So today I am back watching the calories LOL!

4pp so far, and off to work in a bit. I am on a late shift today.




Saturday, 17 October 2015

Hello! An open Letter!

Posted by tracy watkiss at 14:55 0 comments
Well again it has been a month since I posted on this ere blog.

Life has taken a whole new turn for me and I am finally feeling a lot happier. So here is my open letter.

Dear All,


I am taking responsibility for my 2 gap years on life. (Maybe it was a mid life crisis).

I struggled with life, struggled with running a business,(a business I thought was my dream, I found out I am no good at being a business woman or running a business, for me apart from Karen it was my nightmare). I struggled with family relationships and friend communication.

I did not cope and spiralled out of control. I turned my back on friends, I had to walk away from my business.

I know some people do not understand, will not forgive me. To them I apologise.  I have lost friends who I know will not come back into my life if you were one of them I am sorry if you feel hurt by my actions, I never meant to hurt you, I was to busy hurting myself emotionally. Not everything was my fault but I do take responsibility for it.

I tried really hard with the help of two friends to show I was coping, having fun.

Even those two friends have been neglected these last few months. Sorry.

If I am honest I struggle with commitments not through illness now, but I have a husband who is far poorlier than I ever was. It has put things in perspective to me, between working and studying and making sure I am there for him, it leaves me little time for socializing. I love My husband, My Beautiful Daughters and my rather Funny Son-In-Law. I love my mum too even though she treats me like I am 12 years old still. My Family are top of my spend time with list - and I so want to see my friends too. xx

But a wise lady told me today, it's time to hold my head up high again, stop hiding away through fear of hurting/ facing those people again.

So after all that I draw a line under the past. I hope you all can too.

Funny now I am working as a Health Care Assistant, I work within Mental Health. It Fits me. I am happy in my work.

Tonight I intend to go out for a proper grown up night out, the first in over 8 months or more. I have a friend who is renewing her wedding vows. I am so looking forward to celebrating this happy event with her and her family and mutual friends. xx

Kind Regards

Tracy xxx




Wednesday, 16 September 2015

Wednesday 16th September

Posted by tracy watkiss at 08:50 0 comments
 Just a quick post today, the little image above shows how I felt last night, I went back outside running for the first time since APRIL???

I have been following C25K  and got to wk4 r1 on Monday, so of course in my head that gave me the guts I needed to join a few running club buddies last night to see if I could get back to a full run quicker.  When I contacted them they said 4 miles, Scared the crap out of me. But I went and when I got there a couple decided they were aching and not running and went to the pub for a drink we agreed to meet them back there after a quick run. Long story short, I managed a 2.66 mile run in 32 minutes but it had inclines!!! My Treadmill does not give me inclines LOL!! I was quite pleased with this and it has given me the push I needed to maybe go back to club tomorrow night.

Most of all I enjoyed running with a couple of old friends and realised How much I missed them and running outside xx

Tuesday, 15 September 2015

Tuesday 15th

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:44 0 comments
Yay! I knew it that pesky pound from yesterday is gone and it took another 1/4lb with it, so this week sees my loss as .........



 Ha ha, I played nice with a scrap book programme I have, and made myself a little chalk board, stored on my computer xx

Yesterday was a good day, we did not venture out as Dale had a few twinges, but I got a week 4 run 1 from the C25K in and completed it.

Breakfast was usual, lunch was a yummy 2 egg omelette, with mushroom,onion,cherry toms and Feta (5pp) followed by 2 plums and handful of grapes. Evening meal cod and potatoes with veg 13pp and a milky way snack was enjoyed. Well over 3 litres of fluid was taken on board. 25/26pp.

I also took Oscar out for a walk twice yesterday, the first one we even got in a sneaky geocache (the one Mum could not find), Ha ha we found it!!!
14,982 steps clocked up in total xxx

Happy Days xx

Monday, 14 September 2015

Monday 14th September 2015

Posted by tracy watkiss at 08:49 0 comments
Well its Monday again, but today I feel a little MEH! If I am honest. Its a dull overcast day and I stood on the scales and was not disappointed but not ecstatic either. I weigh every morning, I know your not meant too, I know its not good for you. My official weigh in for me is a Tuesday Morning, I weigh in at home the same day as my meetings at WW used to be. I KNOW THE RULES!! OKAY, I just don't stick to them.
Why a Tuesday, don't laugh I am good all week with all my meals but Sundays are roast days  which we eat around 6.30pm and despite my best efforts I always eat a few more points on this day because of it - it's okay I have weeklies, so all good, But and its a little picky pernickity but of mine. It always shows on the scales the following morning as a 1lb gain. They weigh heavy in my stomach. Hence not weighing on a Monday, true to form its done it again today.OOOH! I know it will be gone tomorrow but when you are hovering between 10's and 11's and it tips you 1/2lb back into the 11's ARGGGGHHHH!!! LOL! I just want to be safely back in the 10's heading towards 9's.

So enough of that, what did I get upto yesterday.

It was an early start with normal 4pp breakfast.

Then I went out onto the glorious world of Dartmoor, which is no more than 20 minutes away in the car from where I live. I went with Oscar my Border Collie, My Mum, her hubby and their Springer Spaniel Ollie.  We went in theory for a walk (their normal walk, my first time with them) it sounded very fit and healthy for us, but to be honest mum has a bad back and so we walked slower than a 5yr old and only about 1/2 a mile where they have found a garden centre?? that has a cafe, they sit and have coffee and cream, mum has a toasted tea cake, I have a black coffee. we then walk back the 1/2 mile to the car.

Oscar enjoying the moor!!





I did manage to get them to try and find a geocache that was supposed to be near the carpark but to no avail - it's funny when after someone has been your mum for 45yrs and you suddenly realise how impatient she has become LOL!  All because she could not find it. So we headed home.

Apart from meals then, that was my sunday, relaxing in front of the TV.




Sunday, 13 September 2015

Sunday 13th September

Posted by tracy watkiss at 08:25 0 comments
Up nice and early today as I am going out in a bit for a walk, will tell you all about it in tomorrows blog as I find it easier to write the blog post as an after thought of the day before.

So Yesterdays Saturday blog was muses about friday. Its a round up so to speak.

Any hoo!!

How did I keep myself busy yesterday?

Well I got up had my staple breakfast, yep good ole porridge oats, skimmed milk and a banana.

I then knew I had to get my C25K run in, I am doing it on the treadmill at home. Yesterday was supposed to be Week 3 Run3, but I was like "ooh I am ready for week 4 I think", so off I go, yeah right, by the halfway point of the last 5 minute run I was done. I know I am trying to run quite fast, well for me, quite fast. So I could have slowed down, but I did not let it get me down as I was doing it a run early and Monday that run will be done completely.

A quick shower and a change and we went to visit my mum for a quick chat, and told her that I was talking to my eldest daughter Joanne, Friday on Facebook about how she went geocaching for the first time.  I have added their video to show you a bit about it.








Mums Husband was very interested and I said I was too. We left shortly after to go to the supermarket ( hubbys daily exercise at the moment), went home and had a spot of lunch, which incidentally  was a wholemeal sandwich of lettuce, cucumber, grated carrot and wafer thin chicken, followed by plain french fries crisp, and a handful of grapes.

Dale went for a walk in the field with the dog and his eldest son, and then we decided to go out to have a go at geocaching. The beauty of which is if you have a phone with gps you can do it, and they are everywhere, there is a free app that highlights them wherever you are.

Well one was no more than 700 m from our house,(now with dales mobility we took it very slow, as to get him out to exercise his heart without hurting his back is a juggling act). We ended up in a little wooded park, that I remembered from childhood, and spent a good ten minutes looking, (Gps all well and good but only accurate within 30 feet). Whoop whoop after a while and nearly giving up, we did find it!!! Yay!  It added a little bit of fun to our otherwise boring around the local streets walk.

Suffice to say I could get into it, Funny thing was on the way home I text mum to say we had found our first one, to which she replied - ooh we are out looking for one to, not much further away from where we were. We were good though and went home thinking we will save that one for next time. I spoke to mum later and asked how they had got on, hee hee they could not find it, so a little family challenge is on!!!

I really would recommend it, good for all ages.

After that it was just  case of having our evening meal which consisted Dale having Chicken Curry, and myself having the Risotto from eat well for less, It was absolutely scrummy, I had the rest of the day before's stir fry veg with it to bulk it out a little but very happy with it, and I have 3 portions in the freezer for another time.

Another quick walk with oscar, and that was our day done.

I just want to add a little rant, we pay our BBC TV license fee, we have basic sky and yet still, Saturday night TV on all the channels are such drivel!!!!! Just a load of crappy repeats, reality tv. makes me so angry.


So quick round up.
Diet 26/26 points consumed
Exercise well over 11,000 steps done yesterday

so feeling very happy.









Saturday, 12 September 2015

Saturday 12th September

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:07 0 comments
Good morning, well what a contrast in weather yesterday, started dull and overcast, went into glorious sunshine and then heavy rain last night.

It was very much a not doing anything type of day in the end yesterday.

We got up, had breakfast which for me was my normal staple of Porridge oats, with skimmed milk, followed by a medium banana. Then we went to the supermarket to pick up the ingredients for the risotto I mentioned in yesterdays post. I have decided to have that for my evening meal this evening with either a side salad or stir fry vegetables.

Home then to do washing and chores.

Lunch was Yummy!!!

I had A 2 egg omelette filled with 19 grams of feta cheese and 3 cherry tomatoes, decorated with a side salad of lettuce, cucumber, 2 radish and grated carrot. Followed by a plum, a kiwi fruit and a handful of grapes.


We took Oscar down the field behind the house to throw a ball around, not much walking for us but he runs around like a loon. (hubby manages this walk, when I am not around). I admit I prefer to go for an actual long walk but wanted to be with hubby yesterday, as not sure he was feeling to good.

Home to a very boring afternoon of watching tv, not even my knitting is keeping my interest at the moment. I have been home a month with Dale since his heart attack and I must admit, I need to get back to work for my sanity. Still weighing work and home life is pulling on my heart strings. How ever, I have 9 days before my New challenge of the apprenticeship with PCHealthcare starts, 12 months of learning will commence.

Our evening meal  was Jacket potatoes, with lightly dusted lemon and black pepper lemon sole and stir fry veg for me, baked beans were the side for hubby.

Another visit to the field with Oscar, but the skies decided to empty themselves of rain, so we went back in. I could see Dale was getting more and more restless as the time to get ready to go out was getting closer, after a little heart to heart, we agreed it was not the best night to go out, we need to work on his confidence to get him out and about without fear of another heart attack happening.

My snack  was a milky way bar.

So that was that another day, finished bang on track 26/26 weight watchers points. But Delicious food consumed.

Exercise sadly lacking today, I know I did not get enough steps in.







Friday, 11 September 2015

Friday 11th September

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:52 0 comments
Well another week is nearly over
and
 I cannot even write this post without firstly sending A remembrance hug and heartfelt thoughts to all those who lost loved ones in  9/11. Words are just not enough.

I sometimes feel after remembering such atrocities, that to then carry on typing about such trivial things as my weight loss and my fitness levels seems a tad  self absorbed, but life for those left, does have to go on and we do have to carry on, carry on with making the most of the time we have.

 It is really just me writing about:
A) my fight to stay around as long as possible so as to be there for my loved ones.
B) my fight to have focus, to keep the routine I need in my life to make me feel safe.
C) my fight to fit in, fit in socially, fit in clothes I like LOL! and most importantly fit in my headspace, where if left to fester too long sat down the world slides down to a not very happy place.


So Despite the musings above, this week

has been a fairly good week

Diet wise a very big  ü all pointed and within target.
Exercise is on track for 3 runs of C25K this week so another big ü

We have also attended Hospital twice and had a heart foundation nurse around and all is being managed well for now. 

Positive heads are on and hopefully we will be going out socially tonight together, for the first time in a very long time. Well since June. 

so happy face post today xxx




Oh and I need to try this out, I watched "Eat well for less" on the BBC last night and they did a microwave risotto recipe.  So popping it here to try out next week xx



Monday, 24 August 2015

Monday 24th August

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:02 0 comments
Good morning



Don't you just love the fact that after a weekend, you always get the chance to start a fresh.

New Week
New Goals
New Starts
New Challenges.
New Incentive
New determination.

New Knitting projects to cast on (Oh that's just me?!!)

That's how I feel this morning.
We had a very lazy weekend, sat around not doing much at all. In fact I spent most of yesterday grumbling I did not feel comfortable, just Meh! Then it kinda dawned on me It was cause I was comfort eating, eating a little too much and not moving enough.

We can only go out on short walks (understandable with Dale), and the weather has not helped. 

But Enough, I have to get motivated again. 

So bring it on Monday.

Get back to pointing, moving and feeling good. 

Oh and its Dales 48th birthday this week,
 Our 19th Wedding Anniversary is coming up too at the end of the month. 19 years!!!
 How has he not killed me already? 

Have a good day

xxx



Thursday, 20 August 2015

Gotta keep treading that water.

Posted by tracy watkiss at 10:31 0 comments
A new day!!!!

Hello peeps, "BREATHE", I am knitting up a storm at the moment, lots of finished objects, I have even done a little bit of papercraft - making my own personal planner.

Today I try again, to be organised, healthier, fitter may follow. I hope to get craftier too.

I am on enforced time out again, not me this time - hubby.

Each day is a New day, a different day, every person we meet could be a new friend or just a different type of person, Every friend could become a happy memory, or someone we were once close too, Does not mean I like them less, just means its a new day with new rules, I still care about them. 

I am me and I have to except people are the way they are, as much as people should except me for who I am.



I need to explain I  wrote everything below before I wrote anything above this Little paragraph, I then was going to delete everything  I had written and start again as I felt it was all too much information but I just need to empty my head space of rubbish. Unlock the little door to my brain, shake out the garbage and make space for happy thoughts. 






Well it is 15 days since my last post.



I looked back on my last post today and saw I wrote this:

"Dale was taken a bit poorly last night so we have been up since 4.30 am, he seems to have settled down now although still achy."

Well it turned out that bit poorly was a full blown heart attack. which resulted in 7 days in hospital getting him settled and back home and a little wait to see what the way forward is.

Dale has given up cigarettes from that day and has not drunk alcohol either


*******

I see social media filled with mission statements and quotes about life changes, leaving friends behind, people come people go. Blahdy blah blah.

They have their worth don't get me wrong but I see more and more of it being used as a tool, as if people feeling they have been wronged by someone can use them in an attempt to say something without actually saying something.  

I found myself looking at these quotes over the last couple of days to see if anything could sum up my feelings and emotions. The answer was a big fat NO.  They were, still are in some circumstances in turmoil.

We have been fortunate and lucky Dale got the help he needed by our wonderful NHS, the service that is condemned and taken for granted so much.
The Staff were all amazing and tentative. We thank them.  

My mum was amazing as always, running around making sure I was feeding myself okay - she is a feeder LOL! (awesome august on weight watchers seized to exist from that day - I am a comfort eater).

My girls, sorry Our girls were there - Jo & Lee travelled down from Telford, I told them not too as at the time we were not sure what was going on. I was trying to be strong and realise I tend to push people away when I am doing that.( Yes! I ended up crying into my pillow a lot with huge snot ball for company - sorry TMI).

Dales sons visited whilst in hospital - opinions of Dale and myself are guarded. 

But other peoples reaction surprise me, I have been overwhelmed and underwhelmed with the actions of friends and family.  Overwhelmed by old and new friends, some from years back getting in touch via the house phone. Underwhelmed from people I valued, not even acknowledging or saying "hey you two okay!"

I know we all lead busy lives, I am the first to admit I am not the type to count on in a family/ friend personal crisis, as I don't drive, I tend to get emotional and I would feel in the way - but I would message/text/tweet/fb/phone  to say hey you okay. 

What I am trying to say is these inspirational quotes only matter when you want them too, and people show their worth in their actions. 

My mum is a doer, in your face, right up their in the thick of it, needing to be needed - in a good way.

I am in the background - hey, hi, hug, let me know if you need me kind of person (unless you are my husband and then I am in his face, I WILL LOOK AFTER YOU, SPARE YOU FROM ALL EVIL, SUPERWOMAN PERSONA.)

I am not uncaring -  I take things personally I cannot help it, it is my make up. I would take time to ask the questions though.

I Know I Know I am rambling today. I have feelings I need to express, feelings of stupidity - why did I not recognise a heart attack. Feelings of helpfulness - I could not take away the pain or fear. 

Feelings of  anger that I am still tip toeing around  making sure I bite my tongue around Dale's family not upsetting them, AAAAARRGHH! I cannot even type here why I feel that way, it is not my story to tell. Quite frankly they are not worth the heartache. 





Wednesday, 5 August 2015

Wednesday 5th August

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:22 0 comments
Well I am 5 days of in of being motivated and back on track.

I have had 4 lovely days off of work today is my 5th and then I am back for a 8-2 shift tomorrow, 2-8 Shift Friday, and then 8-8 Sat/Sun/Mon.

So a quick recap of yesterday as I never posted at all.

I went swimming with my mum in the morning, 24 lengths a leisurely slow swim - lovely.

We then went to town and wandered for the day and had lunch at Nandos. I had mixed green salad (no dressing) and a chicken breast.

Yesterdays #wwphotoaday instagram pic was a sweet = mine is my evening treat 3pp of sweetness that satisfies my choc craving LOL!



I managed 12,562 steps yesterday too.

******

Dale was taken a bit poorly last night so we have been up since 4.30 am, he seems to have settled down now although still achy.

******
So today starts and I am ready to relax (but get my steps in).  Have to get my DBS off to Mount Gould today. We may also go on a car trip somewhere depends on our mood. Otherwise I have to finish a Christmas present I am knitting - shock horror I know I have picked up my needles finally since the holiday!!!!

I am also on day 5 of my #wwphotoaday awesome august challenge on Instagram. Today's prompt is healthy snack.

Here is mine ; Yummy Kiwi and Strawberries.



so all in all 5 days in and everything is feeling good!!





Monday, 3 August 2015

August 3rd

Posted by tracy watkiss at 20:30 0 comments
Today has been a good day so a quick post to say within points and steps done

 

 

Sunday, 2 August 2015

August 2nd 2015 - Easy like a sunday morning!!

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:16 0 comments
Well we are on day two of my awesome august and I really feel very positive about it so far - after all it is only the second day.

I took Oscar on a nice long walk yesterday to get those steps in and today another is planned.

Last night we could not decide what to have for tea, normally this would result in a pro pointing blowout of mass proportions but I refused to give in.
 So off to Asda we went, normally we shop at Lidl for the week but this was a just to get something nice for tea visit.

Hubby plumped for a normal naughty fix


I hate KFC so steered well clear, he also added skinny fries.

I kept my Halo in place and had
a very worthwhile 9pp far better than a takeaway guess the points game. PP are correct as I used my scales to work it out.

Whilst there I treated myself to a bit of light reading


Have not got to start it yet as I started to watch the 2 part drama on Channel 5 last night - TUT with Ben Kingsley in it. I enjoyed it very much and look forward to the second part tonight.

So that's all for now, have to make a shopping list now as I am sure we will do the weekly shop today and I want to remain focused and in control x


Nice Prawn salad for lunch followed by fruit and crisp =4pp

Roast for tea and by the time I have my evening meal I will be at 26pp for the day 3 aps earnt.


Saturday, 1 August 2015

Pinchy, Punchy first of the Monthy - Saturday 1st August 2015

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:04 0 comments



Well here goes, on Instagram I am joining in the Awesome August #wwphotoaday challenge here was today's post with my goals of what I would like to achieve this August.

I start with a nice round number weight - I am keeping this to myself.

I have had my yummy go to breakfast = porridge & a banana (separate, as I cannot put them together) and a black coffee.  so 4pp/26pp consumed.

A great start to the month.

I am now on 5 days break so have time to catch up with family and enjoy some down time x

I love my job working with clients  with dementia, but have 80% made up my mind that I will except the training post with PCH if I am successful and hear formally soon. I am so excited with the timetable I have been show outlining the training and qualification progress, And I have been told I would be working within the mental health sector. Watch this space x

I hope to get some knitting/ crochet and reading time in too xx

see you tomorrow x

P.S  Steps for today


I will finish on 26/26 pro points too



Friday, 31 July 2015

Friday 31st July

Posted by tracy watkiss at 07:17 0 comments
Flipping eck!  I am up for my final 12 hour shift this week, 42 hours in 4 days = tired and grumpy Tracy.

I am okay whilst working but urrrgh! my legs and shoulders at night time scream with aches.

On the upside, walking alone on theses days sees my WW pedometer earn me 5 activity points a day.I have had 2 good food days too, it really is good to be prepared and keep the munchies at bay, and having a 3pp milky way bar each night is giving me my treat fix.

I to see the office manager in work today as I think I am still being emergency taxed, I have not seen my pay slip yet so hope that is causing the near £260 deficit in my wages over hours this month?????









Thursday, 30 July 2015

Thursday 30th July

Posted by tracy watkiss at 07:08 0 comments
Well I am going to declare August: Awesome August.

Enough playing the maintain, lose, put on game.

Enough of the work day = healthy day
Day off = treat day

I am going to be a good healthy girl for the whole month and write my progress here.

Now its going to get a little scary as I have 5 days off this weekend a few days in and then another 7 days off.

Too keep me on track I am going to try and do this thingy on instagram and on here also.


Sunday, 19 July 2015

Posted by tracy watkiss at 19:00 0 comments
Hello everyone, well what a lovely weekend it has been, and as it was my first weekend off in six weeks, how lucky was I.

My garden is not the smartest of gardens but we are trying to get it looking a bit floral.

This afternoon I got my lovely camera out and decided to go a bit David Bailey.

So a couple of shots of the Fuchsias we recently purchased and the memorial rose for Dales mum is blooming lovely this year too.




I am slowly getting the weight back down on my bathroom scales and I finally managed to run for 20 minutes continuously today on my treadmill - its been a while.

I am hoping to hear soon re a work/ college career decision and then all my plans will be falling into place for a happier, healthier life. 

I hope you have all had a lovely weekend, however you have spent your days x

Saturday, 27 June 2015

Update - 27th June 2015

Posted by tracy watkiss at 07:26 0 comments
Hello Everyone, Hope you are all keeping well.

I am in a very happy place at the moment, YAY!!!

I am enjoying the new job muchly (still have the apprenticeship interview next week though), it is hard work, but all the girls I work with are really nice. I have mentioned the interview to a couple and they have said you cannot leave us! Which is nice, but I am making a decision that will effectively determine what I do for the rest of my work life, so I need to really think through all the pros and cons!

Anyway! so todays' picture

oh yes the scales!

 

Very important in my life right now.

Finding the correct work / life balance.
Finding time to spend with friends / family.

Weighing / propointing / portion control my diet.
Then the number on the bathroom scales.

I am beginning to see the light again.

I have 1st 7lbs to lose to get me back to goal and if I loose a 1lb a week I can be there for Christmas.

I am back tracking, feeling more positive and less lethargic.
I got back on my treadmill two days ago, only wk3 of  C25k, but I did it and I aim to do wk4 run 1 today after work.

***********

I have no crafting / knitting to show as the only thing I have done since my holiday is a pair of Crochet hi top trainer booties for a customer of the wool palette.

Its summer and I want to be outside, so my knitting always takes a backward step.

Speak soon xxx

Thursday, 11 June 2015

Well here we go again.

Posted by tracy watkiss at 19:12 1 comments
Hello Diary, thats' how I see this blog now as my little diary online.

 I know a few people still check in and read, and for that I am thankful, old friends keeping an eye on me, making sure I am on the straight and narrow, but since stepping away from the craft demonstrating I realise some of you may not be interested in what I am writing.

Well since my last post I have knit a few things

socks

 Started a fair isle cardi
 wore my waterlily top


I have also been on my hols to Turkey





Fell out of a raft and got pulled over boulders.


Been offered a new job and accepted, but also been offered an apprenticeship interview and thinking.com weighing the options and think I know what to do, well 85% sure. LOL!

AND THEN THERE'S THE BIGGY

A reality check, weighing after two holidays, not eating well for 12 months (due to being surrounded by chocolate and pasties in the place I worked) and not exercising regularly for the same amount of time. 2 stone back on NOOOOO!!! but 9lb of that was last weeks holiday and I have lost 3lb of that already.

I am relieved to be out of the toxic food environment, I am returning to a full time, moving around constantly job. I have charged up my fit bit and aim to work towards my 10,000 steps a day as from tomorrow. I am going to walk before I can run. 


Monday, 25 May 2015

Life is full of choices???

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:50 0 comments
Life to me is a car journey, one big fat long journey. 



Full of choices as we make our way to the final destination, forks in the road, with plenty of wrong turns and dead ends.

Some of those roads lead to fantastic journeys, and lovely days to create memories from.

Some of those roads seem to go on endlessly boring and all the same with nothing great to look at or forward too.

Some of those roads are wonderful yellow brick roads, the ones we dream of, a happy ending and all will be just perfect, so we can have the life we strive for.

We have the little street roads making tiny choices every day, what to eat? where to go? what to do?

We have hobby roads too - for me at the moment, what to knit/ crochet? What Pattern? What yarn? even what needles?

We have lots of A roads too, what friends we choose or those that remain acquaintances?  How much time is spent with family and friends or on our own? Do we go that extra mile for people or do we not get involved - generally what would make life easier?

Then we have the more complex navigational roads, a little more taxing, you know the type I mean, the ones with the big round-a-bouts, you go around and around trying to decide which way to go and then you just have to get off, take a Leap (exit) of faith and go with a choice. What do we do to earn money? Have a career or have a job?  Work all the hours we can or spend more time at home with less money? What do we want out of our work, easy street or something more stretching?

I have always said that although we think that we are making these choices, our lives are mapped out from day one. The choices we make were always the choices we were going to make, even if we think differently. All predetermined.

Take me for instance - no matter what I have done in life - I always get drawn back into caring, looking after people. (I did want to be a nurse in the RAF, but circumstances did not allow for that).

When I was 13 my very first work experience week was working in a care home.
I then had children very young and stayed at home  with them until they reached school age, where I then went into school as a mealtime assistant and adult helper. Looking after children.
I worked as a PA for a while for a youth offenders rehabilitation Scheme, trying to change young peoples lives and putting them on a career path to better their lives.
I trained as a nursery nurse, I have done home help.

Even during 10 years as a craft demonstrator, I was pulled towards teaching and chatting with older ladies, making sure they were happy over tea and biscuits.

In my current job of retail I am pulled towards helping the older customers, helping them with their shopping and packing their bags, making sure the bags are not to heavy and they can manage, whilst I can do my job well, I cannot see me doing it for the rest of my working life.

I feel myself being drawn back into the caring field, and I am contemplating going back to work in a care home. I am at my happiest looking after people who need it.

So for me I am predetermined to be a Care worker/ Nurse / Health Care assistant.

May be airy fairy for some - but its the only way I can explain it.

***********

Side note, I think I have rambled enough now oops!, so will post the intended post on knitting and finished projects later this week. 








Sunday, 3 May 2015

Sunday Morning May 3rd.

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:08 1 comments
Good morning everyone and another overcast and drizzle rain day today.

How are you all?

Well I worked last night and in the little village I work in, it was May carnival and although the actual procession was very naff indeed, the pubs were very busy indeed which made for a very amusing afternoon/ evening.

I could honestly have just got intoxicated just off of the fumes.

People were generally very smiley and apologetic if they were overly wobbly and slurry with their speech. I heard  "May day - it's gotta be done, ain't it" so many times. But at least the evening went quickly.

So how was the rest of my day?

Food wise was not bad, could have done better, but knew I was only a couple of weight watcher points over.

No Exercise - but not a lot of sitting down.

Craft wise =

Hubby built me an MDF bird house for out side, I put a pic on instagram , but forgot to take a copy to put here, it is plain so now I have to decorate it. I started painting it yesterday afternoon.

Knitting I have a new project on the needles

The Wool Palette had some books reduced to £3.00 each and I picked up


Now I fully intend to knit every single pattern in this book, but to start me off I have cast on the back buttoned top - boring name for a pattern but Hey,


Now Barbara Greep owner of the Wool Palette has made me go for a colour out of my comfort zone

Hay field Fiesta, in colour way Surf Craze


 And I hope to use these funky buttons.



Right I have to go do the food shop - boring!!

Have a lovely day xxxx







Saturday, 2 May 2015

May 2nd

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:21 0 comments
Well what a lovely day, Mother nature has decided to take a shower, to clean away the debris and give nourishment to the lovely plants and trees.

Yesterday, was a day to relax a day off, to sit and read the papers.
Yeah Right!!!

I decided to carry on the

CRAFT ROOM CLEAR UP

Well I kid you not, 10 black sacks binned, And 7 boxes of craft supplies to go to the car boot and the room is still fit to bust. But A very tidy Fit to bust.

A room I can now move around in, instead of climbing over boxes. It has a bed init that is not just a dump everything on it bed, It is made up and clear of supplies.

Okay it took me virtually till 8.30pm to finish. But Its done. YAY!!

 Okay the dust has gone up my nose and I am this morning, sneezing and talking as If I have a peg on the end of it.  But I can get in there, sew, knit, craft and have fun again.

So what does today hold. Fun I hope. It is the May Carnival in the village I work in and when I was younger it was a fun thing, but now it appears just to be another excuse for lots of bands and drinking in the 3 pubs in the village. I am working in the shop tonight, so will be very busy indeed.

I have sometime this weekend got to sort out what clothes fits, for my holiday next month. Although A nice surprise this morning. I stood on the scales and  I have managed to maintain weight the last two weeks and not put more on. BELIEVE me that was a shock. eating or comfort eating is rarely a meal away at the moment. I know I have 1 stone to lose to get me back to goal, but it could be a whole lot worse.

I have my e-tickects, travel visas and passports all together. Then its just trying to find spending money.






Friday, 1 May 2015

May 1st

Posted by tracy watkiss at 08:53 0 comments
Well 4 months of the year have gone,

and Monday morning saw me very positive indeed about life.

I had perspective on what I want to do work wise and put plans in action.
I had decided once that's in place, I want to learn to drive and get myself a little runaround.
I had decided to work at but not be obsessive about diet and exercise.
I had decided to enjoy crafting again, I had just finished a lovely jumper.

Monday Afternoon however saw me very disappointed with peoples actions yet again and life.

In particular my two sister in laws. My heart broke for my husband yet again.  The lies and deception hurt the most.  Enough of that though!

As that saw us spiral down, me in particular a very heavy crash back to the harshness of their family. I was not bought up so mean spirited or selfish and I find it very hard to cope with. I mean trying to ignore the wishes of your parents will, because its not what you want? Come ON!!!!!   Everything seemed black doom and gloom for me then not the sun shiny yellow of the morning.

Tuesday was much the same went doctors for an appointment to be told the receptionist had given me the wrong date and time.

Even the jumper I knitted decided to let me down - After blocking and wearing proudly on Wednesday I washed it, when it came out of the gentle wash, the Yarn had literally broken in one spot and unravelled. (I presume the yarn must have had a weak ply as, there was no join in this area). It was another thing that added already to a tedious week.

Thursday saw me down and out, refused to do anything enjoy anything or go running.

But today I awake, Wipe my eyes and see more clearly

Monday was a good day - We ARE happy and moving forward together my hubby and me 
                                      They are lonely and miserable and holding on to a past by their accounts                                           that was abusive and negative.

Tuesday Was a good day - Saw my mum and her hubby, they got Dale to start action, 
                                       He found out he has the Law on his side. 
                                       But more importantly he saw a loving family that supports one another.
                                       So my appointment was wrong, the receptionist made a mistake she is only                                        human, 

Wednesday-                      A Fun filled day of laughter for me in the wool palette, My boss got my                                           wages wrong, tis funny I explained if its not family trying to diddle us its                                         my boss. 
                                        Dale had a family meeting, they tried to justify their lying, but have said                                           they will buy him out within a month, so 29th May The money should be                                         in our bank. Or It goes to denouncing them as executors                         

Thursday-                         The Whole day was spent sorting out my rather messy craft room through                                        anger - a job I have been neglecting for 10 months LOL!


SO As you can see a rather sun shiny week after all - when you look at it that way.

I know they will try in vain to knock us down again but you know what. I don't care.






Thursday, 2 April 2015

WELL HERROOOOO!!

Posted by tracy watkiss at 11:26 0 comments
How are you all?

Me I am absolutely fiddle dee dee, today.

I have found my running mojo!

Yehaa!


And I want one of these LOL!



Well Tracy's little book anyway, so every time I do something that pushes me forward, out of my comfort zone or I did not want to do, I am going to write it all down.

I am feeling quite energized at the moment and I have learnt to say no! 

No to the things I don't want to do.
No to the things that put me in a difficult position.
No to agreeing to do what everyone else wants to do.

Does that make me selfish?? It may do, but are the people asking me to do what they want and not considering me being selfish too! So they are allowed to be, but I am not.

I don't think so, it's just different personalties  - I was bought up to respect my elders, Piers etc. I turned it around to meaning I had to be a People Pleaser. It did not mean I was a weak person.

I am finding the balance that I like,
Yes to do things others like too to make them happy. 
 Remembering  all the whilst ,Yes its okay to say actually I don't want to or I don't like it.

I am uncomfortable with the people however who do what they want all the time and never think about others feelings.

It may be they see themselves as just strong minded people sticking up for themselves.
But at the expense of being rude, ignorant and unfeeling to others that care about them??

There may have been a trigger or circumstance they feel they have a right or reason to treat others that way, but does it Help? Really?

I am all for live and let live, letting go of the past, as I am told too by some and I do truly try,
I don't mind them telling me their opinion - I do mind them telling me this if they do not live by what they preach however.

This may appear as a ranting post, but it is not honestly.

It is just a true reflection of how I feel today.

If we were all just a little bit mindful of how we treat, strangers, acquaintances, colleagues, family and friends. We may all live in a nicer, calmer, world .


Is it really that hard just to be nice to People.


Take care and Hugs to all today xxx



Wednesday, 25 March 2015

Just a quick post this morning to Squeal aloud.

Posted by tracy watkiss at 07:35 0 comments
Last night I went Running with a group of running club ladies around Plymouth Hoe , Barbican and Royal parade, 3 different loops and I managed to run, albeit slowly For 6.20 Miles I am so happy I could burst. I have found my running MOJO! 

Yee ha!!

Chatted and caught up with some, met new ladies and built some bridges too.

I am all about living and loving life, letting bygones be bygones at the moment.
Life is just too short to let the bad vibes in.

This I have learnt, upset, upsets me x

Friday, 20 March 2015

Friday 20th March, - Partial Eclipse Day

Posted by tracy watkiss at 08:43 0 comments
Well here we go, will we see it won't we see it. The Partial Eclipse that is. 

I remember the total eclipse, I was working in the Evening Herald offices on the family announcements at the time. We had a great big monitor set up in the office and we were on the middle floor of the big glass ship building. It was so eerily quiet as everything went to sleep the birds stopped singing and life went still.

Don't quite know if today will be as spectacular as that - we shall see.

I have been tracking well the last 3 days - I am taking each day as it comes and I am very happy with the way my head is in gear at the moment. Life is looking up.

I also completed my first 5km of the year (well c25k over the last 5 weeks has got me back there) on the treadmill yesterday morning. 11.26 minute miles and that was including the 5 minute warm up and cool down walks, so so happy as I can return to club knowing I can start in the 12 minute mile group and work back up to  10's.

On that note 


This picture sums up yesterday afternoon and evening. I was debating going back to running club.

I just needed to go get my body back through the door, see if I felt comfortable with it all. I went with a friend who always makes me feel comfortable running and I used to spur her on a bit. I have vowed to run with her Tuesdays and Thursdays. 

Going back was not as hard as I thought. To be fair there are a load of new People (well new to me), so I was very much a newbie to them, but some of the older members said or waved hello. I did lurk in the back a bit. I did not run as I had already ran that afternoon, but felt good talking to people about running further, getting me back to 4 then 5 then 6 then who Knows how many miles.

So this morning sees me feeling a little bit stronger again. I cannot wait till Tuesday.

Hope you all have a wonderful day - and a lovely weekend xx

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Mothers Day

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:46 0 comments


To every  Mother out there, (UK mothers are celebrating today)
to those who have been unable to become mothers, 
those that have sadly had children pass on them.

To those Children whose mothers have passed away,
Those who for whatever reason will not see their Mothers today.

I wish you all a Peaceful, Happy Day.


I am very fortunate,
 My youngest daughter came in yesterday with some flowers and a card,
My Eldest Daughter sent me a card and some spends down from Telford.
I love them both lots.

I am off to see my mum in a bit to give her some love
and then probably off to cemetry for other half's mum all before work tonight.

xxx 




Friday, 13 March 2015

Friday 13th EEEEEKKKKK!

Posted by tracy watkiss at 08:43 0 comments
Ha ha It is Friday 13th - do you believe in the superstitious date? I don't. 

Apparently is all goes back to Christ - the last supper (13 disciples) and his crucifixion on good Friday. Who'd have thunk it?

Well Phooey! I am treating it like any other day and going to take my lead from Pooh and Piglet again!



Breakfast was not exciting today in content but in promise, as I fell off the bandwagon again last night -DOH! This habit will be broken. 

I have had my healthy porridge, banana and green tea. So today starts off promisingly.

I Caught up with two friends yesterday, lynn and I chatted via facebook for a couple of hours, which was lovely and then I caught up with Kathy and I have committed to going out running Tuesday with her - gulp!

I have not got round to podcasting yet, as I seem to have been busy this week doing not a lot LOL!

I have knitted little and I have fallen for this little bear and want to knit her and some of her friends.



That's all for today, but I hope you all have a wonderful day xxx




Thursday, 12 March 2015

Thursday 12th March

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:52 0 comments


Those that know me very well, will understand the picture above. He is mine, I love him. His innocence and caring nature. But just look at the Joy on that face. When Things go wrong the Oh d- dears. I kinda relate to this little PIGLIT (as he spells it).

(Wikepedia States: Disney's interpretation of Piglet:  His fears and nervousness are played up more, as he runs and hides when unnecessary and often stutters when nervous. He has a lot of hidden courage and often faces danger to help others, even when afraid. Stories about him tend to revolve around these traits as well as his small size.
In the Disney cartoons, Piglet loves beautiful things like flowers, is very kindhearted and is obsessed with keeping things neat and tidy. He sometimes has an inferiority complex, although his friends think highly of him. However, he is often left performing tasks better suited to someone bigger and stronger )

But I digress from the point of the post and picture this morning, I am  as Happy as Piglit looks.

Happy to report I finally feel free to say I am happy.

Happy to realise this morning that the D was descending but I shooed it away,

Happy as  I will run in a bit although ten minutes ago I was saying nope.

Happy as despite falling off the diet wagon at the end of the day a little over the last 4 days, I get back on it every morning.

Happy to leave the guilt of walking away from what was Just Tracys, now in the past. It was a joint decision between Myself and Karen and I now realise it was her decision along with Jill to carry it forward as Fabric and Paper I am free to no longer beat myself up over that. I wish them all the luck and Hope they are happy too.

Happy as I have found contentment working at The Wool Pallette and The Little Village shop.

Happy when I get to podcast and chatter about things crafty.

Happy I have no deadlines to meet. 

Happy I have friends and family I enjoy spending time with.



So this week, I am just enjoying, waking up, spending time with Dale and looking forward to down time (knitting), shopping for gifts etc. I Hope to catch up with friends I have neglected whilst sorting my head out. Lynn Courteney being one and some of my muskies friends. 

I am Happy as I have decided running indoors and out are definitely in my future but the gym with weights are definitely not. I don't enjoy working out that way. So I am not going to do it. The feeling of running outdoors leaves me feeling alive. Knacked but alive. The gym weights just leaves me feeling inadequate and grumpy.

I am also happiest, as I have two wonderful, independent daughters, who have both grown up, spread their wings and live their lives in their own homes, working hard and enjoying their lives and I have a holiday away with them coming up. 





So just want to say, Have a happy day everyone xxx






Monday, 2 March 2015

Well I have been very neglectful of this blog.

Posted by tracy watkiss at 09:04 0 comments
I admit, I have ignored you and left you all alone little blog. Hey, I am sorry. Life just took over.

It was time for me to get a grip.

2 years ago I started to flag on things, but I am here and I am stronger.

I am back eating healthy, a stone within my target weight, I am starting to run again, Yay! all be it on my treadmill, but I am on week 4 run 3 tomorrow, and I know soon I will be back out pounding the streets.

My Work life balance finally may be right, I know I dallied with going into nursing etc. But Fey! I realised I was struggling to look after me and that's what I needed to do before anything else. with a change this week, a new era starts.  I will be doing 2 evenings (sat,sun) in the little grocery shop and 1 full day a week in a wool shop. (cannot take the crafter out of this girl for too long, although the depression tried hard, it did not win). What wool shop? The wool Pallette at Plymstock, Barbara has offered me one day a week - as she gets it LOL! That I can advise but not teach and I need to be just a normal crafter.

I do nip back into Fabric and Paper, but although I love sewing, I am not sure Quilts (however beautiful), hold my interest long enough. I do go in to look at the lovely colours of fabric though and of course chat to Karen.

Elaine and Nova are still a constant support, we do not see as much as one another at the moment - jobs, life and illness etc. We all hope to get crafty together soon.

Oscar dog, is enjoying my new outlook as I have started taking him back out for walks - Long walks on my own. It was scary as all hell at first, but I've done it once and I can do it again is my mantra, but I am using it less and less.

I have a wonderful holiday to look forward to in June with hubby, both my daughters(Jo&Sarah) and son in law Lee. we are all going to Turkey.

And I am Knitting to my little hearts content.

So little blog we are all upto date, and I will be here more regular, If anyone is still out there reading Hello again.

Take care my lovlies, Hugs.


 

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